Alone....

I have had a shitty month, from the beep, to the beep and oh yeah the beep....I have droped to my lowest, so bad that I have changed my life style to a "T".
It has been a sad and lonely month, more so than other, between fucking Valentine's, my negocio.....yeap! if I can still callled that. jaja!! sarcazan all the way baby, my love life, my love of my life, the stuggle with every small dessision I made has made me a ............ girl.

Im back in therapy......yeap. what a looser. Tosta like never before, more alone...and the wierd thing is, I have tons of ppl who love me and actually like me and care....whatever right, specially when the one thing u want u cant seem to have. (fucked up smile inserted here).

All I just want to say is something real important to God. Yes u heard correctly...God. So here it goes:

God please help me in been better in understanting why things happend to me like they do, why I am suffering so damn much.... Why I cry my self to sleep, why I actract assholes, and loads of married men, and whay I am not happy like I should. Why my love wasen't enough to keep the love of my life happy....and it failed, why I miss my bestfriend soooo much, my entire life in the peat 4 years ......please give me a break, let me be happy, satisfied and just plain ok . Just one time make things never work for me, for my family and for a very special person who I will always love....my Rikky. Give me something to live for.....I have Dante....but hehehe tu sabes a que me refiero.
I want a life with no more tears....unless its all happy tears. hehe!
thanks.